Prologue
"What do you think about a co-ed baby shower?"
Paul turned around from the computer and looked at his wife with amusement in his eyes, "Is there even such a thing?"
Alex laughed and shrugged her shoulders, "I have no idea, but the fact remains that there is only one female who works at the radio station. Monica’s met a few women through church, but no one she has really gotten close to. Andrew on the other hand, has met plenty of the guys in your division and they all like him and all of these men have wives. It might be nice for her to get to know some other FBI wives who don’t actually work for the agency."
He was still looking skeptical, "But don’t you play all those silly, girly games at a baby shower?"
"Get over it, tough guy," She winked in his direction as she reached over drop the rate at which Matthew was swinging now that he was asleep, "I can try to find a few boy games like ‘Name that Tool’ or something if that will make you happy."
Paul laughed and shook his head, "Aren’t you a little ahead of the game? She’s only six months along. Not like you don’t have plenty of time."
"Yes, but Christmas is just a couple of weeks away. Plus she is already starting to feel a little miserable," She tapped her pen on the arm of the love seat thoughtfully, "I don’t remember looking as far along as she does at six months, but then again, she is such a little thing."
"Miserable?" He rested his arms on his knees and looked at her in disbelief, "I just saw her yesterday and she was as cheerful as ever."
"Women talk to other women, honey," Alex reminded him matter-of-factly as if he should be fully aware of this fact, "How would you feel to still be the ‘honeymoon phase’ of a human body and it no longer even resembles the one you started out with?"
"You may have a point," Paul chuckled, shaking his head.
"All you have to worry about is a receding hairline and a beer belly," She goaded, as she returned her attention to her baby shower planning.
"Hey! I don’t have either of those things!"
"Yet." She hid her grin and watched as he sulked briefly and then turned back to the computer, "Are you still working on that strangling case?"
A sigh and then, "Yeah. Not that we’re turning up anything. It’s looking like a random act of violence actually. Everyone Andrew and I have interviewed has no idea who could have had it out for her. I just hate to see someone not brought to justice when a life has been lost."
Alex laid down her pen and notebook on the table and got up to approach him. "That’s one of the reasons I love you so much," She informed him as she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek, gazing at the picture of Annie Williams that was on his computer screen. "She was pretty."
"Not so much when we found her," He replied sadly, thinking about the waste of life, "She’d probably been in those woods for a week."
She sighed and rested her chin against the top of his head, "No matter how long I work for the bureau, I can’t seem to get inside the mind of a killer to understand why someone would do something like this."
"No, especially when every road is leading to the fact that she probably didn’t know her killer. Her fiancé is devastated, her parents have no idea who would have had it out for her, she was loved by her co-workers. No way she could have known him, unless someone is a very good liar." He frowned in frustration and then reached up for her hands. They had both been so busy lately, and this reconnection time was nice, even if they were discussing work, "What about you? Has that eleven year old boy turned up yet?"
"No, and I’m losing faith that we are going to find him alive. He’s been missing over a week now and as you well know, the chance of finding him in one piece plummet downward after the first twenty-four hours. Good home life, excelled in school, had plenty of friends, so it doesn’t sound like a runaway."
"Didn’t I hear he was last seen leaving the little league field?"
"Yes. He usually walked home and made it in about fifteen minutes, but not Saturday," She sighed sadly, laying her cheek against his hair, "Why do we do it, Paul?"
He knew what she was asking. Being the people that they were, people who had seen evidence of God’s love first hand, each case was taken personally. Each innocent life lost was embedded in their hearts until justice was done, and sometimes, it was never done. "To make a difference, baby," He replied, taking her hand and pulling her around onto his lap. "We can’t save them all or bring every criminal to justice, but each one we do bring in is one less on the streets. That’s the reason we do it."
"You’re right and I know it. Sometimes I just need reminding and that’s why I keep you around," The teasing tone was back as she snuggled closer to him.
"And what about when I’m all bald and my beer gut is hanging over my belt?" He raised his eyebrows in question.
Alex moved her hand to his tight stomach and patted it gently, "Then there will just be more of you to love," She let her eyes drift to the top of his head, "Or less, depending on how you look at it."
"But you’ll still love me?" His tone was playful as he laced her fingers through his own.
"I suppose so," She gave a little sigh and then kissed the tip of his nose, "Even bald and fat, you’ll be cute and undoubtedly a dirty old man."
Paul laughed, "You wouldn’t have me any other way."
"You may have a point," Alex responded with a giggle just as she heard Matthew start to wake up, "Okay, someone is bound to be hungry again, so I need to get right on that."
Kissing her lightly, Paul helped her up, unable to help but follow her with his eyes as she headed for the kitchen for a jar of baby food. Damn. He was one lucky bastard.
*****
"Angel, aren’t you done in there? Come to bed… it’s cold and you aren’t even wearing your robe." Andrew was sitting up in bed and he was straining his neck to see into the bathroom.
When Monica finally emerged several minutes later she had a somewhat crestfallen look on her face and she was wearing one of his flannel pajama tops instead of her nightgown. Andrew chuckled as he saw her, guessing at the reason for her expression.
"That’s a new look for you," he said with a grin, but when she shot him a hurt look as she climbed into bed he immediately repented. "I’m sorry, baby," he said as he leaned over to kiss her cheek. "You look adorable."
"No I don’t," she pouted. "I look huge! And I’m not even seven months yet! I’m going to be as big as a house." She rested her hands on her protruding belly and stroked it gently. "How can my skin even stretch this much? What if it just pops open or something?"
Now Andrew knew he had permission to laugh. "Monica, you know that isn’t going to happen. You saw Alex when she gave birth and she was a lot bigger than you are now."
"I know… but…"
Andrew pulled her close, gently massaging the back of her neck. "I know you haven’t been feeling yourself lately. Maybe you should go to the doctor."
Monica was surprised. She was very careful to hide the little aches and pains that were now near constant companions for her. She remembered Alex complaining about some of the same things, and her book went over them too. It was just that since she had never been human before she had never really experienced any extended discomfort. She hated being a baby about it.
"I’m scheduled to go in next week," she told him. "I’m fine, really. Just a lot of changes…"
He kissed the top of her head. "And I love every one of them. They all bring you closer to having our baby, and I am so looking forward to that."
Monica smiled warmly as she felt Andrew squeeze her shoulder. The love she got from him every day was enough to make the little pregnancy troubles fade away. She snuggled closer and closed her eyes.
"Now, don’t be falling asleep quite yet, my little wife," Andrew said, and Monica opened her eyes again and looked up at him.
"What is it, Andrew?"
"Not much, just a little something I thought would make you smile." He reached beside the bed and pulled out a small white box tied with a pink bow.
"Andrew, a present? It’s not even a holiday!"
"Since when do I need a holiday to give a present to my best girl?"
She grinned and quickly slipped the bow off and lifted the lid. Resting inside was a white bib with pink trim and the words "Mommy’s Little Angel" embroidered on it, and carefully laid on top was a silver necklace with a pendant that Monica remembered looking at the last time they were at the mall. It was a mother and child, intertwined, and seeing it made her eyes well with tears. Whatever she was going through at the moment, it was all going to be so, so worth it in the end.
"Andrew…" she managed to whisper.
"Okay, I admit that the bib is not for you, but you know I didn’t want her to feel left out," he said playfully as he reached over and laid a hand on her stomach.
"Andrew!" she suddenly exclaimed and pressed his hand tight to her belly. "Did you feel that? Did you?"
Although Monica had started feeling the baby move several weeks before, the little one had been very stubborn about kicking for Daddy. He had only felt it a few times, and they had been feeble movements at best and he had half-suspected that they were just caused by an empty stomach. This time was very different, and after a moment of waiting he felt it again, a sharp tapping coming from inside his precious wife. He threw back the covers and rested his ear against the spot, not even caring that the look on his face had to be bordering on ridiculous. However, Monica’s soft hand in his hair told him that to her it was anything but foolish.
"Hello, little angel," he whispered. "This is your daddy. I’m the one who’s going to spoil you rotten once you come out of there."
Monica was smiling from ear to ear and she closed her eyes to keep the happy tears from spilling out. She didn’t know what she had done to get so incredibly lucky, but she was eternally grateful.
"She’s really in there," Andrew said in awe after he finished whispering sweet-nothings to the baby and took his place back up against the pillows.
"Uh-huh. She’s really in there."
He looked at her with a look that was filled with such incredible love and devotion and thankfulness, then kissed her lightly on the lips before reaching over and taking the necklace from her hands. He careful clasped it behind her neck and then kissed the spot where it joined, just like he had with a different necklace many, many, nights before.
"Have I mentioned what a wonderful job you’re doing?" he asked as she turned back to snuggle against him.
She let out a little burst of laughter. "Me? All I have to do is be here and not complain too much. I think she’s the one doing all the work."
"Well that’s where you’re wrong. You’re already being a wonderful mother, and I know if she could… she’d say thank you."
Monica smiled as she closed her eyes, "Well, if that is the case then you are already being a wonderful father, for taking such good care of the package our daughter is coming in."
He gazed down at her tenderly and kissed the top of her head as she started to drift off to sleep, "That’s always my pleasure, baby. I know you don’t feel perfect right now, but I promise you, nothing is further from the truth."
Chapter 1
"Paul?" Alex stuck her head in the door to his office and watched as her husband and Andrew both looked up at her, "I’m picking up Matthew and going home."
Paul looked slightly confused as he glanced at his watch, "It’s only one ‘o clock…baby, are you feeling all right?"
"Fine," She replied with a wave of her hand and then sighed as two sets of arms crossed over their chests as they looked at her sternly. Damn, these overly protective men!
"You don’t look fine," Andrew remarked worriedly, "You look upset."
"Alex…."
She sighed and leaned against the frame of his office door, "They found Brandon."
"The eleven year old," Paul stated knowingly and he didn’t have to be told that the boy had not been found alive. That fact was written all over his wife’s face.
Sensing that they needed to talk, Andrew stood up straight from where he was leaning against Paul’s desk, "I’m running to my office to check in on Monica," He announced, moving to the door. Taking Alex by the shoulders, he steered her into the room and then gave her shoulders a gentle squeeze.
As he closed the door behind him, Alex looked down at the floor briefly until Paul reached for her hand to pull her closer, "I’m sorry, sweetheart," He told her softly and was shocked when tears welled up in her blue eyes, "Hey. Come on now. Baby, you weren’t even expecting the outcome of this to be good." He pulled her into his arms and held her, able to tell that she was fighting tears.
"I wasn’t, but it didn’t make me want it any less. I keep thinking about that poor mother who is never going to see her little boy again, how terrible she must feel…"
"Why do I get the feeling that there is more to it than just that, Alex," He coaxed quietly, rubbing her back soothingly.
She was quiet for a moment and the sniffled, "Mom called…Matthew sat up by himself for the first time today…and I missed it!" The last four words were a soft wail as she burst into tears.
Paul’s eyes widened as he held her tightly, "I’m so sorry, baby," He whispered, suddenly feeling inadequate in what he was supposed to say, "But he’ll do it again, Alex. Probably a special performance just for his mama."
"That’s not the point, Paul," Alex pulled away and wiped at her eyes, "What if he walks the first time for mom, or she gets to hear his first word? I’m supposed to get those benefits! I’m his mother! But I’ve been working so much lately that half the time when I pick him up he is sleeping already, and what for? For a little boy I couldn’t even help save! That’s the reason I’m missing out! You told me we did this to try to make a difference, but who is making a difference for our son? My mother!"
Reaching for her hands once more, he looked into her eyes, "What are you saying, baby? Do you want to quit?"
"I don’t know," She admitted tearfully, "I’ve always loved working here, but now my priorities are changing, but I don’t know if quitting is the answer either. I just know that mom sees Matthew more than I do during the week and I resent that fact. What if the first time he says ‘mama’ he’s talking to her?"
"Sweetheart, he knows who his mommy is. His little face lights up when you walk in the room. He loves you, Alex-."
"But not enough to wait for me to be there when he sits up!"
"Baby, he’s barely seven months old. I don’t think he is quite thinking things through yet," He was trying to tease, but his wife was obviously too upset to smile. Moving closer to her, he took her face in his hands and swiped at her tears, "Listen. Pick up our son and go home, baby. We’ll talk about it this weekend. That way you have some time to think about what you want to do."
Another sniffle and a nod before she kissed him softly, "I love you and I’m sorry for being all weepy and shit."
"You’re my wife, Alex and I love you. You never have to apologize for anything you are feeling."
Opening the door, she managed a smile, "I’ll see you at home later."
Paul watched as she and Andrew passed in the hall and his partner gave her arm a squeeze before coming back into the office and asking, "Alex okay?"
"Matthew sat up today for her mom. She’s devastated she wasn’t there for it. I guess it’s a bigger deal than I realized," He sat down at his desk and leaned back in his chair, expression thoughtful.
"I suppose it is," Andrew agreed, thinking about last night, "Monica was convinced our daughter was going to be an Olympic soccer player, yet she had never kicked for me until last night. Up till then, I was feeling pretty jealous and she isn’t even born yet."
"I guess I see your point. Anyway, she is pretty worked up about it and not sure what she wants to do about it yet," He sighed and shook his head, "Anyway, how’s your little angel?"
"Slightly out of sorts, but she hasn’t been feeling great the last few weeks. I made her promise to go buy some new maternity things today as she is outgrowing what she has and she told me on the phone that she found some ‘tents’ that will do."
"Sounds pretty normal," Paul chuckled, "Alex started crying one morning at around eight months when I tried to discourage her from wearing her robe to work. I now understand that ‘glowing’ only applies the first trimester. After that there is much more complaining."
"You could be right about the glowing, but Monica isn’t complaining much. But I can tell when her back is hurting or if she’s having some other little pain. I’m sure it is all normal, but I’ll feel better after her appointment next week and she will too. The doctor can assure her of it."
"Sounds like they could both use a good time this weekend," Paul remarked, sitting back up in his chair, "Maybe we should surprise them with something special, unless you two plan on Christmas shopping."
"Nope, most of it is finished," Andrew grinned, "We did most of it via the internet this year," With as much as he and Paul had been working, both he and Monica had decided that shopping, snuggled in front of his laptop was much more appealing than facing the crowds. Most of their purchases for their friends had already been delivered and Monica had been working on getting them wrapped in the afternoons after work.
"Good, so why don’t you both come over Saturday night. You and I will handle the cooking and we can play some games or rent a movie or something.
"Sounds like a great plan. I’ve been trying to subtly take over some of the cooking but Monica hasn’t been having any of it."
"Well we always knew she was stubborn."
Andrew just rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on, pass me that autopsy report again."
Paul shook his head and passed it over the desk. "You’ve already looked at it three times, Andrew. Once more and I’ll begin to think you’re morbid."
"I was an angel of death, Paul… it’s in the blood. Anyway, let’s face it, we don’t have much more to go on."
"I know, which is why we’re only giving it one more day before we toss it back to the local police. If we can’t find something that links it to another crime it’s not a case for the FBI."
"Yeah, I know that, but the angel of death background still lingers." He stared down at the report. "I just feel like I should be able to get something out of this… something that will help us."
"Well don’t beat yourself up about it, Andrew. When you find the body a week after it was dumped some of the details of the crime are bound to be lost. Hell, we don’t even know if the bastard raped her before he killed her or not."
Andrew wondered how long it would be before that word failed to make his stomach clench uncomfortably. It had been over a year, but it still had that effect on him every time. He thanked Paul for the report and then carried it back to his own desk. He still had the crime scene photos spread out over it and he quickly flipped over the one of the body as he sat down. Even as a former angel of death he couldn’t stand to look at it for very long.
Just two weeks before, this girl had been lively and vivacious, working at a downtown law firm and taking classes at night. She had been planning a wedding and a future. Now that future had been stolen and her loved ones were left to contemplate a future without her. Thoughts like that were what kept Andrew working too late sometimes. He wanted to do everything he could to help every victim and every family. With every person that they brought to justice he felt that at least he could bring resolution.
Alex had always said the same thing and he had been a little surprised when Paul told him what she was considering. It was a huge leap for her, and yet Andrew could certainly see her point of view. One little kick and he had been ready to call in sick just to feel another one.
He scanned the report for some lost tidbit of information and then tossed it onto his desk in frustration. The girls weren’t the only ones who needed a nice weekend.
*****
Tara Kingsly stepped off the curb and straight into a pile of slush, her black heels completely ruined with one misstep. A muttered stream of curses left her mouth and she dug into her coat pocket for the half-crumpled carton of cigarettes. Now she definitely needed one. As she took the second drag she promised herself for the seventeenth time that she would quit at the end of the week.
As she trudged across the road and then on down the street she had to admit that she had plenty of reasons to smoke. Slender fingers held the cigarette with the ease of a pro. She’d been smoking for over ten years, and she was only twenty-five. Out of the corner of her eye she saw a tiny chip on one nail and rolled her eyes. Great. A twenty dollar nail job and it was already crap. She’d given up lunch for a week to afford it. Never again.
Her breath hung in the air leaving a trail behind her as she cut through a parking lot and then down another side street.
"When I get my hands on that fucking bastard," she said under her breath for the tenth time.
No, the crank calls weren’t enough. Bastard. She should have known he’d take the break-up badly, but she’d still expected him to be slightly less of an asshole. Instead he called her in the middle of the night. Ten or fifteen times a night. Saying nothing. She’d already confronted him and he’d just stared at her and said "Like you can do anything about it?"
Of course that challenge had sent her straight to the cops; for all the good that had done. They’d told her to come back when she had some actual threats. Well now she had something, that was for damn sure. She’d stepped out of her office and into the parking garage only to find four slashed tires on her car. Now as she arrived on her own block at last, she felt her anger rising again. That was good. The righteous indignation helped keep her warm.
It was a quiet night for once and she barely glanced to her right before stepping into the crosswalk. She could see her door from there and she was already thinking of how good a long bath would feel. After she called the cops again and told them that their evidence was sitting in the garage at the corner of K Street and Lexington.
She hardly had a chance to jump backwards as the black sedan sped around the corner, tossing freezing, slushy water over her legs and setting her eyes blazing. This was the last straw. He had stopped the car and she stomped over to it, intending to give the asshole a piece of her mind. He was out of the car and on top of her before she even had a chance to say one word. Hands around her throat quickly sent her vision spinning and the last thing she remembered as she started to black out was the sound of the trunk being unlocked.
Slinging his briefcase off his desk, Andrew intended to make short work of getting home at a decent hour today. His wife hadn’t been feeling well and this strangling case had caused him to be late the last two nights and he hated that fact. Monica never complained however. She just accepted it as part of his job and though it was, he had to admit it was the part he hated. Violent Crimes was not a nine to five position unfortunately and now often, when he would come in the door at eight ‘o clock, Monica would be sound asleep on the couch.
He had been seeing a more pronounced weariness about her lately and it bothered him, despite the fact that it was probably normal and she was doing everything in her power to hide it. He surmised that as usual, she just didn’t want to complain but even he could tell that the baby had increased in size the last few weeks which placed more of a strain on Monica’s petite body. Though she was holding her tongue, at least she was taking care of herself and when the urge to rest hit her, she complied. It was just that between her resting and his working, he had been missing her the last few days so tonight he had every intention of getting home and spoiling his wife.
"Andrew!" Paul called out as the angel passed by his office, "You’re not leaving, are you?"
"That’s exactly what I’m doing, Paul," He replied, trying to keep his voice light, despite the fact that he sensed a hitch in his plans to go home to his wife in his immediate future.
Paul hesitated briefly, suddenly feeling badly. Just as Alex was feeling that she was spending too much time here, he could tell by the look on his partner’s face that he felt the same way. Hell, Paul felt the same way himself at the moment, "We’ve got something, buddy."
"Paul, it will have to wait for tomorrow. I’ve barely seen Monica this week other than at bedtime and not even planning a nice, relaxing weekend for them is making up for that fact. What is so important-."
"We’ve got another strangling victim. Her body was just found and this time it’s only been an hour or so," He sighed softly, "I’m sorry, Andrew, but I could really use you for a few more hours today."
The angel sighed as well as a resigned look crept over his face. He now felt doubly terrible as he had already called Monica to tell her he was on his way and she had sounded so pleased. Now he was going to have to disappoint her. Again. He knew it wasn’t Paul’s fault and that his friend had been spending just as much time in this building as he had the last few days.
His shoulders visibly slumped slightly as he switched directions and walked into Paul’s office, laying his briefcase down on the chair, "What have we got?"
*****
It was after nine o’ clock when Paul walked up the steps in the townhouse in search of his wife. The strangling case was not going to be handed back over to the police with now having a second victim and they were going to have their work cut out for them. The body had been dumped late that afternoon and there was so far little else to go on. Now it was just a matter of waiting for the coroner’s report.
He found his wife sitting in the nursery, Matthew fast asleep in her arms as she rocked him and he was disheartened to still see a sad expression on her face. "Hi sweetheart," he greeted softly as he approached her, kissing her tenderly before kissing the top of his son’s head.
"When did he get so big, Paul?" Alex whispered, still gazing down at their son, "He’s grown so much."
"Yes, he has," He agreed, proceeding carefully. He had a feeling his wife was fragile at the moment and he would treat her as such unless she proved him wrong.
Finally looking up at him, she smiled, "I’m glad you’re home. Have you had dinner?"
"Grabbed something on the way to the crime scene," He told her as he reached for Matthew and lifted him into his arms, cradling him close to his body for a long minute before laying him in his crib. Turning back around, he reached for his wife’s hand and pulled her to her feet, "Come on. I’ve missed you today."
She followed him willingly into their room, longing to lose her thoughts in his embrace for awhile. When he stopped beside the bed and kissed her, she melted into his arms, feeling the contours of his upper body pressed tightly against hers. He was the place she didn’t need to feel in control and she surrendered willingly to his touch.
Alex was already dressed for bed in a pair of warm, fleecy pajamas and as their mouths explored the familiar territory, Paul’s fingers unbuttoned her top so his hands could brush lightly over her breasts, cupping and kneading them as his fingers moved across the small, hardened peaks. He reluctantly ended the kiss, though his hands refused to leave the warmth of her breasts.
"Have you decided anything, babe?" He asked softly as his hands teased at her nipples.
"Helluva time to ask me that, Gatlin," Alex replied, her body already trembling at the things he was making her feel, "But no."
Paul nodded as he moved his hands to her face and his eyes held seriousness and unconditional love, "I’m here to listen, Alex and you know I’ll always support you in whatever you decide."
"We’ll talk about it this weekend," She whispered, her tongue tracing along his lips as her hand reached up unbutton his pants, "But thank you for what you said. Now stop talking with your mouth and start talking with other things."
He chuckled, but it quickly turned to a moan when her hand snaked down beneath his boxers to grasp him firmly. But a moment later, she had pushed him down onto the bed and was tugging off his shoes and pants and then his shirt to leave him lying naked on the bed.
"No moving," She informed him with a grin and then she winked before turning around and with her back to him, removed her pajama pants slowly and seductively before turning back to face him, satisfied when his breath caught in his throat.
"C’mere, minx," He growled as he reached for her, but she stepped back out of the way.
"Ah, ah, ah. You were late tonight so this is my game, buster. I said no moving and you would do yourself a huge favor by complying."
"A huge favor, huh?" He grinned wickedly, enjoying her amusing attempt at seducing him, not that doing that to him took very much.
"That’s right, so are you gonna play by my rules or not, agent?" She cocked her head to the side and looked at him imploringly.
"You’re rules, ma’am. Absolutely," He was still grinning, just enjoying the look on her face and that incredible body he was aching to touch.
"No insubordination or I’ll suspend you, got it?"
"Suspend me?" Paul laughed and raised an eyebrow at her, "From work? Not a problem!"
"No agent," Alex corrected coyly as she reached a finger down her own body, throwing her head back as it traced lightly over the little nub at the top of her sex. Looking back up at him, she knew she now had his full attention as he was already hard. Walking over to him, she traced the same finger over his lips, drawing a groan from him, "From this and I’m sure you don’t want that."
He swallowed hard, barely able to restrain himself from just grabbing her and burying himself in her warm center, "No ma’am. No moving."
"That’s better," Alex replied as she moved up on the bed to straddle his chest, making sure the warmth between her legs was pressed against his chest. His eyes were filled with raw need and she had a feeling she was going to enjoy this. Dragging herself further up his body, she moved to kiss his forehead, positioning herself so that her nipples were in direct proportion to his mouth, but keeping them just out of his reach.
Though the game had just begun, Paul already felt as if she was trying to drive him to the edge of insanity and he rationalized that there was really only so much one man could take. Leaning his head up ever so slightly, he took one firm nipple between his lips, enjoying the gasp that escaped her.
"What are you doing, agent?" Alex managed to say, despite the pleasure ripples that were flowing through her body.
"Just sampling the goods, ma’am," Paul mumbled intent on enjoying his feast.
"That’s moving."
"Want me to stop?"
"That’s beside the point. You moved," She forced herself to pull back and then moved further up. Helping to balance herself with a hand on the headboard, she lowered her already wet core to his mouth, and he drew a moan from her lips as he ran his tongue lightly over her.
"No disrespect, ma’am, but this is moving as well," He growled huskily before devouring her once more, his tongue lapping at her hungrily.
"Allowed," Alex gasped as his tongue probed into her throbbing center. He was pushing her closer and closer to the edge as he explored her and then moved to take her sensitive nub between his lips, sucking and running his tongue around it. When he delved back into her center, the orgasm washed over her in waves and she cried out as he drank of all she offered. Her body was shuddering and it took her several moments to regain control.
Catching her breath, she moved back down his body and positioned herself at his erection, "That one will cost you, agent Gatlin," Alex informed him before she took the tip of him between her lips and ran her tongue lightly over the head of his manhood. She teased until he was all but begging before she took him fully into her mouth, drawing him as deeply as she was able to, stroking him slowly and then more firmly.
He was calling out her name, completely submerged in the pleasure she was bringing to him. Sensing his approaching release, Alex withdrew completely and sat back to take in the look on his face.
"Alex!" She had left him needy and wanting and there she was looking completely smug.
"Told you it was gonna cost you, agent. You failed to behave yourself."
"Guess I’ve earned some demerits then, ma’am," Paul stated as he reached for her, but she held a hand against his chest to stop him.
"Be good and I may go easy on you as it was a first offence," She grinned slyly as she moved her body to straddle him as she grasped him firmly in her hand, running him over her entrance and up and down the length of herself. His dialogue had turned to pleading nonsense and she couldn’t help but giggle, "Gonna be good now, agent?"
Paul had been pushed to his limit and before she could react, he reached for her hips and impaled her onto his throbbing erection, filling her completely as she cried out in surprise. "Never," he replied as she began to move above him and he guided her with his hands as he met each thrust with her.
It didn’t take much for either of them and when Paul felt her tighten around him, he pushed into her harder and deeper until he joined her with a shout. Alex continued to move above him, drawing it out for both of them until she collapsed against his body, still joined together.
"You’re incorrigible, agent," Alex managed to say, still trying to catch her breath.
Paul chuckled as he wrapped his arms around her tightly, loving this incredible woman with every fiber of his being, "Wouldn’t have me any other way, ma’am."
Chapter 2
Andrew walked into the house with a heavy heart and leaned against the door as he shut it, turning the lock and letting out a long, tired breath. The low hum of the dishwasher droned in his ears, the only sound in an otherwise silent house. The soft light above the stove was on and he saw that the oven was still on low. Opening it he revealed a covered plate. His dinner. He closed it again and then turned off the heat. He would deal with it in the morning before Monica woke up. The last thing he was in the mood for was food.
While Paul had been more hopeful after a visit to the crime scene, the vision had left Andrew feeling bleak and worn out. The fact that it had taken another woman’s death to give them even the slightest chance of catching the killer made him frustrated, not optimistic. The fact that the woman had been dead for less than three hours when she was found only deepened that sense of helplessness. If only someone had seen her being taken. Mere hours stood between her life and death. It was a sobering and depressing fact to swallow.
The initial guess, judging by the state of her clothing, was that she had been raped, but an autopsy would give the definitive answer. They knew she had been strangled, just like the last woman. There were ligature marks around her neck that looked more like rope or nylon than fingers. FBI profilers would be all over it by morning. There hadn’t been a serial killer in the area for a long time, and that was what this was shaping up to look like. People committing crimes of passion used different weapons. They stabbed, or shot their victims. It was instantly brutal, but at the same time almost dispassionate. A strangler had to face his victim straight on. He had to watch the life slip away. That took a completely different kind of person.
He started for the bedroom, but paused at the bottom of the stairs, rubbing the bridge of his nose between thumb and forefinger. He needed to push thoughts of work out of his mind. Monica got little enough of his time and he wasn’t about to let the gruesome details of his job intrude. He tried to go up quietly, but that tell-tale fifth step creaked and he stood still for a moment, hoping that he hadn’t woken her, assuming she was asleep and not waiting up with a pensive look on her face. He hadn’t wanted to tell her why he was staying late, but as usual he found it impossible to lie to her. Unfortunately he was certain that she had also picked up on the fact that the last thing he had wanted to do was go look at a dead body instead of driving home to his wife.
As he had expected, she was sitting up in bed, remote control in hand, flipping between the various news channels. She turned to him as soon as he pushed the door open wider, and the look of relief on her face was visible even with just the light from the television spilling across the bed.
"You’re home," it was a sigh of contentment as much as a statement.
"I’m sorry I’m so late," he replied apologetically, tossing his jacket onto the chair.
She shook her head, "You don’t need to apologize. You had to stay. Your work is important. I know that."
"Not as important as you," he bent to kiss her cheek.
"I know that, too," she said, "but I’m fine."
"Are you?" he questioned as he walked to the closet, stripping off his shirt as he went.
"Of course I am. Don’t be silly." She released a little grin. "You worry more than me… and that’s saying quite a lot!"
"Only about you, baby," he countered as he slipped beneath the covers.
She assumed her place against his side, but could instantly feel that he was still stiff and tense. She tilted her face up and met his eyes.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
He hugged her tighter and forced himself to shake off the frustrations of the day. "No. I’m sorry I’m still a little preoccupied."
"It might help to get it out. That’s what you usually do," she prodded gently.
"I know. Frankly I do that too much. It’s bad enough I have to have all these details trapped in my brain without foisting them off on you too."
"Yeah, well, that’s my job," she teased. "If you read the fine print of our marriage contract it was right there at the bottom."
He rolled his eyes and combed his fingers through her hair, spreading it like a cape over her shoulders. "We didn’t sign any contract."
"Of course we did. It’s right in my heart, and I do believe you have a copy." She ducked her head and pressed her ear against his chest. "Yes… I can definitely tell it’s there."
Pulling her up he wrapped both arms around her and kissed her soundly. "I love you so much!" he almost growled as he moved one hand to stroke her face. "My precious little wife."
She smiled and kissed him on the nose. "Ditto. Well, except husband instead of wife," her smile quirked up on one side.
Letting out a sigh he pillowed her against his chest once more. "It was just a tough day, Monica. I love the job because I love making a difference, and today… well… that difference just came too late for someone."
"I know, and I’m sorry, but tomorrow will be better," she assured him.
"That’s what I keep telling myself."
They laid in quiet stillness for long minutes, just reconnecting in the silence until Monica spoke again.
"Alex called me today. She came home early."
"I know. I saw her just before she left."
"She doesn’t know what to do. She’s afraid she’s losing something she can never get back."
"Yeah, I gathered as much from Paul."
"I’m afraid I couldn’t give her any advice. It’s all such a question to me too." She let her hand rest on her belly and a surge of contentment passed through her as Andrew linked his with it. "I just can’t imagine missing a single second of time with her," she whispered.
"You’ll know what to do when the time comes."
She closed her eyes and concentrated on the gentle rise and fall of her husband’s chest.
"Yes. I guess I will."
Andrew listened as her breathing evened out and he knew she was on the brink of sleep. He closed his own eyes regretfully. This was the way it had been this week; fifteen minutes of conversation in a twenty-four hour period, not counting the one or two phone calls he managed to squeeze in during the day. Yet she never uttered a word of complaint. She didn’t have to. Her obvious happiness when he had said he would be home early spoke volumes and he was still feeling disgruntled that he had been unable to follow through on his plans because some sick bastard found it enjoyable to take lives. The fact that he was probably raping them first caused hate to flow through him as his arms tightened around his wife instinctively. No matter how long he existed, he would never forget Monica telling him in the stable how she had wished her rapist had killed her. He wondered if the young woman today had felt the same way and had her prayers answered, all the while knowing that if the little angel in his arms had been granted her request at that time, his heart would have failed to keep beating.
At least tomorrow was Friday and he prayed that the killer took the weekend off. It was one thing to sacrifice precious time with Monica during the week, but the weekend belonged to them and he was determined it stay that way. Gazing down at her, he smiled tenderly. She was fast asleep, one arm wrapped snugly around his waist and she looked perfectly beautiful and he was struck again by what an incredible mother she would be to their daughter. She had the patience of a saint.
"You’re the most important thing in the world to me, baby," He whispered, kissing the top of her head. His eyes then went to the ten ‘o clock news that was still on the television. Maybe they’d catch him tomorrow and he could go back to living his life the way he preferred to live it.
*****
Monica sighed heavily as she pulled into the driveway after work Friday afternoon. The show had gone well with no really difficult questions but yet she felt completely exhausted and was already considering a nap. Never had she imagined that pregnancy would be so tiring, yet she was constantly trying to shake the fact that it was more than that. Andrew had hit the nail on the head two nights ago in his remark about her not feeling like herself lately.
The first five months of her pregnancy, she had definitely been aware of changes in her body and even those that affected her mood. But now, halfway through her sixth month, a bone deep tiredness had crept over her and with it had come aches and pains that seemed unwilling to fade. It didn’t seem to matter how much sleep she got or how many naps she took, it was still present. This morning, she’d discovered she had a low grade fever, and today had not been the first day it had happened. But they would generally fade during the day, just leaving her feeling wiped out.
Her back ached as she got out of the car and as she closed the door, she leaned up against it for a moment, feeling the chill in the air. They were calling for snow again this afternoon and she found herself wishing that Andrew would be home to snuggle on the couch with and watch it fall. She understood why he had been working so much, but it still didn’t erase the bottom line. She missed him.
"Well, don’t just stand out here in the cold silly!"
Monica smiled as she turned to face Alex, who had just climbed out of her car and was getting Matthew out of the car seat. The angel had been so engrossed in thought that she hadn’t even realized her friend had just pulled into the driveway, "Alex! I wasn’t expecting to see you today. Why aren’t you at work?" Despite the ache in her back, she immediately reached for Matthew and took him into her arms.
"I took a personal day," She explained, grabbing the baby bag from the back seat as well as another bag from the sub shop before they started up the walk, "So I decided to pick up lunch for both of us and come over to keep you company for a while."
"Well, I certainly won’t complain about that!" She replied, balancing Matthew as she unlocked the front door and they all moved inside.
Once Alex had taken off her coat and hung it up, she retrieved her son so that Monica could shrug out of her coat as well. Standing back, the agent shook her head, "Are you sure they got your due date right, honey? It looks like all that baby needs to do is drop and you’ll be ready to deliver!"
"Believe me, there are days that I feel more than ready to do that," Monica stated wryly, "I love the fact that she is in there, but the other pregnancy symptoms can go as far as I’m concerned."
"Still feeling achy, huh?" Alex sat Matthew down on the floor with a few toys she had retrieved from the bag and then joined Monica on the couch. Seeing her friend nod as she removed the subs from the bag, she shook her head, "I’m thinking you have got one good sized daughter growing in there," She elected to leave it at that and not comment on Monica’s small frame and the possible horrors of delivering a ten pound baby.
"As long as she’s healthy, that’s all that matters to me. But what about you? Have you decided on anything yet regarding work?"
Taking a bite of her sandwich, Alex shook her head and rolled her eyes as she finished chewing, "If I didn’t know better, I’d say post partum happened late for me as I was such a basket case yesterday. I don’t know, Monica. It’s a double edged sword. Can I be happy being a stay at home mom? Can I be happy working and missing all the milestones with Matthew?"
"Not an easy decision," The angel remarked, watching her friend with sympathetic eyes.
"No, not at all."
"And what does Paul say?"
"Paul will support me no matter what. The question is can I stand for him to support us financially. Don’t get me wrong, we’d be fine with just him working, but it’s more a situation of can I feel fulfilled by not contributing to the bank account."
"Seems that is just a matter of pride, Alex," She stated softly and gently, "If you can make it on what Paul makes alone you would have no reason to feel guilty. Raising your son is a full time job in itself. Now if it is a question of boredom, well that is entirely different," Monica unwrapped her sandwich and picked a loose piece of lettuce from it thoughtfully, "Maybe you could do in home daycare?"
Alex laughed and shook her head, "Nooo! Paul keeps trying to convince me already that we should try for another baby and that is a sure fire way to see it never happens!"
Giggling, Monica shook her head, "Okay, I may see your point. But maybe there is something else you can do from home. Let’s face it, you’ve always been a work-a-holic and maybe you should have a little something on the side."
"See? That’s just it. I love my job and always have, but that need to work just isn’t there like it used to be. It was always about making a difference, but now I look at Matthew and see how making a difference can be a different thing entirely. I don’t want him being brought up by his grandmother more so than me or Paul." She gazed at her son, who had decided that the television remote was a much better toy than anything mommy had brought with her, "I’m a little shocked that I’ve allowed mom to do it this long with little regrets until now."
"Well he was with someone you know, trust and love. Not a bad combination," Monica said, sensing that a lot of underlying guilt was coming to the surface.
"No, you’re right about that," Alex admitted. "But still… I missed out on four months."
"You may have missed a few things, but that doesn’t make you a bad mother. In fact, you were working to make this city safer for him."
Alex rolled her eyes. "Whose side are you on? You’re supposed to be helping to convince me to stay home!"
Monica let out a small laugh. "Well you didn’t explain that to me ahead of time," she retorted. She turned slightly more serious and then pressed her hand onto Alex’s knee. "I just don’t want you feeling badly about things that are in the past. That’s all. You were a good mother for those four months and you’ll be a good mother in the future. You know I’m here for you no matter what."
The woman grinned. "Now you sound like Paul."
Monica shrugged and winked, "Actually I was just thinking that I sounded just like Andrew."
Hearing that, Alex turned to face her. "So you don’t know what you’re going to do either?"
"Not exactly. I was telling Andrew last night that I already feel so attached to her, I don’t know how I could let her out of my sight for more than a minute. But my job is so different. For all I know Ray will even let me bring her along. I don’t think the Bureau would be so accommodating."
"That would be a no." She leaned back and sighed, watching Matthew happily chewing on one chubby fist. "Monica, tell me the truth. I want your honest opinion. What would you do?"
Before the words were even out of her mouth she saw that Monica was already shaking her head. "You know I can’t answer that. I’m not you. It’s not my decision to make."
"Yes, but what if it were? C’mon! Tell me something."
Monica pressed her lips together. She hated being cornered, but there wasn’t any way out of this conversation. "All I can say for certain is that if you’re asking yourself the question, then you probably already know the answer," she said quietly.
"Not exactly a straight answer, but about what I expected," Alex said. She bent over to retrieve the rattle that Matthew had tossed beyond his reach. "Maybe one Gatlin in law enforcement is enough for right now."
"There’s nothing that says it would have to be forever. Anyway, I’m telling you, there has got to be something you could to from home or maybe parttime."
Resting her chin on her hand, Alex looked anything but settled about what seemed to be her decision. "Boy, yesterday I was so sure I knew the solution to my problem, and now, faced with it, I feel like a whole new set have cropped up."
"Alex?"
"I want to stay home. I want to be with him… and any other kids I have… but I’ve just been an agent for so long. That’s who Paul fell in love with. That’s who he married. He can say he doesn’t care til he’s blue in the face, but what if I change? Maybe I won’t challenge him enough. Maybe…"
Monica fixed her with a steady gaze and a firm look. "I hardly think that you are going to turn into little Suzy Homemaker or a Stepford wife, just because you’re at home, and you know darn well that Paul would love you just the same even if you did."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Alex waved her off cavalierly, then looked at her with a touch of apprehension in her face. "It’ll be a big adjustment."
"Yes it will, but don’t let a little fear of the unknown stop you from taking a turn towards something you really want."
Alex narrowed her eyes as she peered into her friend’s face. "Are you sure there isn’t a little left over angel in there someplace?"
*****
Monica had offered the encouragement that "tomorrow would be better", but by two o’clock Andrew was beginning to count the minutes until the weekend. He hated feeling that way, especially because he usually enjoyed his job, even when it meant dealing with the unpleasant reality of violent crimes. He was trying to chalk it up to just a really bad week, intensified by the lack of time at home. He checked his watch again as he headed towards Paul’s office. Two-seventeen. And counting.
"The autopsy report, just came up," Paul said grimly as Andrew walked in.
This time the angel shook his head when Paul reached out to hand it to him. "I don’t think I want to read the gruesome details right now. Can you give me the highlights?"
Paul nodded sympathetically. "Yeah, sure. It’s about what we expected. Coroner found bruising and tearing that indicate rape. No fluids though. The bastard must have known enough to wear a condom."
"Hair? Fibers?"
"Well she had a broken nail, but nothing under it. They found a couple of hairs that weren’t hers and they’re running them through a DNA test right now. I doubt if him that way, but we might be able to link this crime to a couple of unsolved murders from down in Philadelphia."
"What about her? What do we know about her? I thought her mother was coming down to identify the body."
Paul’s expression turned even more sober. He had heard that the woman hadn’t taken the news well at all. A couple of other agents down at the morgue had had to drive her home. "She did. I got the call about five minutes ago. She was pretty broken up."
Andrew’ eyes darkened and he shoved both hands into his pockets. "I’m not surprised. Any word from other friends or family yet?"
"The police were canvassing her neighborhood this morning. We should hear something soon. I thought you and I could head over to her office. She worked part-time as a teller at the bank down on the corner of Lexington."
"Any excuse to get out and feel like I’m doing something," Andrew replied.
"Agreed."
*****
The trip to the bank ended up successful. Tara had been having trouble with an ex-boyfriend and had confided this to several of her co-workers. The only downfall was that not a one of them could recall his name, if Tara had even mentioned it at all. As it turned out, the young woman had been relatively quiet about her private life and the staff at the bank surmised they only knew what they did because Tara would often come in still seething with anger at him.
Paul attempted to reach Tara’s mother, but the woman wasn’t at home, so he decided that they should call it an early day…at seven thirty. He didn’t miss the fact that Andrew had rolled his eyes. Paul knew that the long hours were getting to his partner and he was more than thankful to be able to drop Andrew off at home.
"Hopefully we won’t be called away this weekend," He remarked carefully. He wanted to embed the idea in the event the worst happened.
"Hopefully?" Andrew raised one eyebrow, clearly stating what he thought of that idea, "There are guys working this weekend, Paul, so let’s allow them to do their jobs."
With a sigh, Paul laid a hand on his friend’s shoulder, "Buddy, I know this sucks. I do. I know we’ve had little time to spend at home this week and believe me, I want to spend the weekend relaxing with my family and friends every bit as much as you do."
"I know, Paul. So let’s make sure it happens," Andrew opened his door and smiled, "I know it isn’t your fault and Monica knows that too. This is just a time when I feel guilty for not being around more for her."
"So get in there then," He chuckled, "I’ll see you at the house tomorrow."
With a nod, Andrew got out of the car and waved as Paul pulled back out of the driveway before walking quickly up the steps and unlocking the front door, hoping his wife was still awake. He smiled as he hung up his coat and peeked into the living room, thankful to see her on the couch with a book in her hands.
"Hello, baby," He leaned down and kissed her gently, watching a smile spread over her face. He didn’t like the fact that she looked a little peaked, but hopefully some weekend pampering would solve the problem.
"You’re home," She drew him in for a hug as their lips parted, "Tell me you don’t have to work this weekend."
"I’m not planning on it, angel," Andrew replied as he rubbed her back, "I plan on spending the next two days with my lovely wife."
Her eyes were shining with happiness as she pulled back to look at him and finally consented to what had been on her heart, "I’ve missed you."
He closed his eyes, feeling both guilty and incredibly blessed to have her in his life, "I’ve missed you too, Monica and I plan on making it up to you."
"You just being here is enough. Have you had dinner? I had a snack a little while ago, but I can fix you something-."
"No. I had a late lunch, so if I get hungry later, I’ll fix something. I don’t want you doing any work at all this weekend, not even cooking. I’m feeling the urge to spoil you for awhile," He knew it wasn’t really spoiling, but she would argue that it was what she deserved each and every day.
"Hmmm. Well, I suppose I can allow that as long as I can keep you company the entire time."
"I insist on it, baby."
"How was work?" Monica reached for his hands as he sat down next to her and he immediately laced his fingers through hers.
"Fine." Andrew left it at that. They’d had little enough time together lately and he was not about to spend a moment of it talking about a case he wanted to forget about for forty-eight hours. Besides, the details about this killer included rape and that was something she didn’t need to know, "Is there anything special you would like to do tonight?"
"Actually, I was just considering a shower before you got here," She explained, now feeling even more pleased with his timing, "My back has been hurting, just a little bit and I thought it might help," She tilted her head and looked up at him with a little grin, "Will you keep me company?"
He knew what she was asking and could clearly hear the seductive overtones in her voice, but he hesitated. She hadn’t been feeling well, even though she had confessed very little of it to him and he didn’t want to do anything to possibly make her feel any worse, "Of course. I can wash your back for you and maybe work out some of the achiness."
Monica smiled as he helped her to her feet and hand in hand they walked up the stairs to the bathroom. Though Andrew didn’t notice, she avoided looking at herself in the mirror as she undressed. She knew that the changes in her body were necessary, but it didn’t mean she had to like looking at them. She knew in her heart she should not be so vain, but the fact that nothing fit her anymore other than "tents" had left her feeling less than attractive.
Andrew had turned on the water, having already removed his clothing and he caught the glint in her eye as she turned around to take his offered hand as they stepped into the steaming water. The water running over her felt wonderful, as it slowly eased away the tension in her shoulders and what the water missed, her husband’s hands found as he rubbed them gently and then worked down to the small of her back. His thumbs intently worked out the pain and left her feeling more relaxed than she had felt all day.
Turning around to face him, she smiled and reached up to wrap her arms around his neck, "I love you so much, Andrew," she whispered before their lips met in a kiss that was demanding much more than a shower.
Andrew responded hungrily as he felt his body respond to her touch, but he wanted to be careful to not take things too far. Maybe by tomorrow, after sleeping in, she would feel more like herself and as much as he hated to wait even that long for her, her comfort came first, "Come on, angel," He urged, managing to drag his lips away, "Turn around and I’ll wash your hair for you." He had planned to pamper her and that was exactly what he planned to do.
As he reached for the shampoo, Monica lowered her head and slowly turned around, feeling hot tears burning in her eyes, even as she tried to tell herself she was just being overly sensitive. She struggled to relax as she felt him working the shampoo into her long tresses, but as the water rinsed it clean, she couldn’t hold back the tiny sob that escaped.
"Monica?" Andrew was instantly alarmed as he guided her back around to face him, able to see the tears in her eyes despite the water of the shower, "Baby, what is it? Is something hurting?"
She shook her head as she felt his hands on her face, "I know I look horrible right now…I’m so fat and ugly, so it isn’t any wonder you don’t want to-."
"What?" Shocked would have been an understatement as she blindsided him with her words, "Baby, no! That isn’t what I was thinking at all!"
"But it’s the truth, Andrew and we both know it," She was crying softly and each little hitch of her breath went straight to his heart.
"Monica, nothing is further from the truth," He stated softly, keeping his hands on her face until she finally raised her eyes, "I know you haven’t been feeling great, though you haven’t complained much about it, but I can see it, baby. You look tired and I just didn’t want you wearing yourself out more by trying to please me. That’s all." Seeing she was still upset, he reached around her to turn off the water, before helping her out and wrapping one of the large body towels around her. Grabbing his own towel and wrapping it around his waist, he took her hand and led her out into the bedroom and over to the bed.
Sitting down, he drew her onto his lap and held her close, "Listen to me." Andrew said softly as he kissed her forehead, "I know what you are thinking but you are wrong. Angel, you are so beautiful. You always are and right now, it is a very special kind of beautiful."
"No, I’m not," she started to protest, but he silenced her with a tender kiss.
"Oh, but you are," He informed her quietly, his hand moving to pull her towel back as he then moved to caress her full breast. Despite her tears, he smiled when she gave a tiny gasp at his touch as his thumb brushed over her sensitive nipple, "These," he whispered into her ear, feeling a shudder run through her, "are beautiful. Yes, they are more full now, but as I man, I will never complain about that, even though they were also perfect before," He grinned at her, watching as her lips curled into a smile, "But right now, God has more than one purpose for them other than my pleasure. Nourishing our daughter and that fact in itself is one of the most beautiful things I know," He dipped his head and took one bud into his mouth, sucking and licking at her gently, "Of course, this means I will have to share them eventually."
His playful murmur caused a giggle to escape her, before she moaned as he took her other nipple into his mouth and teased her tenderly, before moving to kiss her deeply, feeling her fingers entwine in his still wet from the shower hair. Lifting her into his arms, he laid her back on the bed and stretched out beside of her.
Removing the rest of her towel, his hand moved to stroke over her belly as his lips made a trail down her jaw, "And this is just incredibly sexy," His voice was husky with his desire for her as he moved his lips up to her ear, "Knowing our baby is in there. Knowing how she got there, because of our love for each other. Because I can barely ever stand to keep my hands off of you," His tongue swirled lightly around her ear, hearing the soft moans of pleasure that were escaping her lips.
Andrew smiled and moved back down to her breasts, lapping at her lovingly, knowing how tender they had become with pregnancy. He took his time, giving attention to each one as he felt her legs moving restlessly and feeling his own need hard against her. Dragging himself away, he kissed down between them and to her belly, lavishing it with kisses and unspoken words of love. When his fingers parted her folds, Monica cried out quietly, desperately and he decided not to tease her tonight. He wasn’t sure he could wait that long either after a week without feeling himself embedded in her silken warmth.
Positioning himself at her core, he gave pause and gazed down at her, his heart suddenly full to bursting. He watched as her dark eyes opened, a combination of need and questioning, "You’re just so beautiful, angel. So completely beautiful," He whispered, feeling tears stinging his eyes.
Her breath caught and she felt moisture dampening her own eyes as she met his gaze as she smiled tearfully, "I love you."
Andrew pushed into her slowly, emitting a low growl as he felt her surround him in perfect union, before he began to thrust slowly. She allowed him to set the rhythm as she closed her eyes once more, savoring every feeling he was giving to her as she met his leisurely strokes. It was soon not enough for either of them and the pace increased, each of them driving to the resolution and it came a moment later.
Feeling her tighten around him, holding him in her grasp, Andrew watched her face as she rode out the waves of the orgasm. He continued to stroke into her easily, waiting until just the moment when she began to come down before reaching to lightly rub the delicate nub, delighting as she seemed to fall even harder and the intensity was too much for him as he emptied himself into her, surging again and again before, spent, he collapsed beside of her and pulled her into his arms. Andrew kissed her face lovingly as she began to calm before he tilted her chin to kiss her lips.
"Don’t ever let me hear you say you are ugly, angel," He whispered, his loving gaze locked on hers, "You are perfect and beautiful and mine. Forever."
*****
"Alex, I’m home!" Paul called out as he walked through the front door, then slapped his forehead, hoping that he hadn’t woken Matthew.
He watched as his wife walked out of the kitchen, hands on her hips, one eyebrow cocked skywards. "Did you just ‘honey, I’m home’ me?" she asked.
"Umm, yes… I suppose I did," he admitted sheepishly.
"A sign of things to come if I stay home?"
He chuckled as he walked up to her and wrapped his arms around her. "Perhaps, but only because I miss you so much when I have to go a whole day without seeing you."
Her lips crinkled into a thoughtful pout before she relented. "I guess I can accept that," she replied as tilted her head up to meet his kiss.
A low laugh rumbled through the kiss and he hugged her tighter for a moment afterwards before releasing her. "I hope I didn’t wake him. I wasn’t thinking about what time it was," he apologized.
"Nope. He’s feeling a little frisky tonight so I moved the swing into the kitchen while I made our dinner. I’m sure he’ll be happy to see you. That is, if he remembers who you are," she teased.
Paul assumed a hurt look that only another playful kiss erased. "I’m sorry, babe. I’ve missed the little guy myself!" It was just banter, but in a crystalline moment he suddenly knew how Alex had felt the day before, wondering if Matthew would call someone else mama.
"I know. I’m just teasing you," Alex reached out to grab his hand. "C’mon, I was just smashing up some graham crackers in milk and you can give it to him."
Half an hour later they were both still laughing over the baby’s antics; despite the fact that almost as much graham cracker ended up on the floor as in his mouth. He was such a happy baby, always laughing, and that little smile was very infectious. He was also already getting his mother’s independent spirit although his attempts to feed himself had resulted in him now needing a bath.
Just the little moments of normal, everyday family life were what Paul loved the most about his life. He could hardly believe that less than five years earlier he had been growing in bitterness and fully consumed by work. As Alex walked to the sink he quickly reached out and touched one of Matthew’s chubby hands, then glanced upwards, mouthing ‘thanks’ to the One who had given him so much.
He leaned back in his chair as Alex did a first pass over Matthew’s face with a wet washcloth and then grinned. "You know, maybe we could both quit and stay home with the little man."
"That would be ideal," she agreed as she lifted the baby from his seat and perched him on her hip. "Could you do something about winning the lottery so we can do that?"
He chuckled and followed her out of the room. "Yeah, I’ll get right on that."
*****
Later that night as the two of them caught their breath and snuggled down under the blankets, Paul traced his hand lazily along Alex’s naked back. She gave a satisfied sigh and he bent to kiss her hair, his eyes focused on her delicate features.
"So, it seems like maybe you’ve made a decision," he said quietly, having picked up on all of the little hints she had dropped throughout the evening.
Her breathing was slowly evening out, and she propped her chin on the hand that rested on top of his chest. "I… I think I have," she answered. "I don’t want to miss this time with him, Paul. I don’t want someone else… even my own mother… teaching him the things that I want him to know. Even if he doesn’t remember these first years… I will." She searched his eyes for reaction and then said, "Can you understand that?"
He tenderly moved a strand of hair from her forehead and tucked it behind her ear, then cupped her cheek in his hand. "Baby, of course I understand. I told you that I would, and I meant it. I think that you staying home with Matthew will be wonderful… for both of you."
Alex let out a long sigh of relief and let her head rest against his shoulder again. She still had her qualms but his words helped erase some of the worry lines from her brow.
"I’m a little nervous about telling Rick," she admitted, referring to her section leader.
"Hey, if he gives you any trouble, you tell him to talk to me," he gave her a squeeze.
"And what about money… I told Monica that we’d be fine, but…"
"We’ll be fine," he insisted.
Her eyelids were starting to droop and she knew they would have time to talk about the specifics later. "I love you," she murmured.
"I love you, too, Alex," he whispered, but she was already asleep.
Chapter 3
Andrew awoke first the next morning and glanced over at the clock. Just after nine. It had felt good to sleep in a bit without the intrusion of the alarm clock raising them from slumber. He glanced down at Monica and smiled, seeing her still curled within his arms and he dipped his head to brush her forehead with his lips, and then frowned. She felt slightly feverish. Nothing alarming but feverish just the same and he wondered if this was one of the things she had been failing to tell him.
She was always so intent on not giving him any cause for worry, and he had yet to be able to convince her that he always worried about her, whether she confessed things to him or not. It just didn’t help with the guilt he was feeling over being able to spend so little time with her lately. Monica knew he was busy and he was certain she was just trying not to add to his already full plate.
Andrew slipped from her embrace, being careful not to wake her, but she was sleeping so soundly that she barely stirred. Throwing on sweats and a tee shirt, he headed downstairs having decided that breakfast in bed was in order today. They could eat together and then just snuggle and talk for a bit. He had not given Paul any definite time that they would be over, and his friend understood that he was playing the weekend by ear.
Forty-five minutes later, he was back with a bed tray of blueberry pancakes, decaffeinated coffee and juice for two and he smiled when he saw his wife sitting up in bed. She had donned a nightgown and much of the tiredness of yesterday was now gone. He had a feeling she had been pushing herself too hard, but he was not about to mention it today.
"Andrew, I could have come downstairs," She protested, though a pleased smile was present on her face. She had noticed that he had brought breakfast up for them and not just her.
"Nope, angel. No sense in eating in a still slightly chilly kitchen when it is warmer up here," Though they turned the heat back at night, it rose, as heat does and kept the upstairs rather comfortable, "How are you feeling this morning?"
"Perfect," Monica replied softly, her eyes shining with happiness at having him here. She waited as he set the tray down between them and joined her on the bed before she picked up her coffee and took a little sip. It was perfect as well. He had fixed it just the way she loved it, as he always did.
Andrew watched her carefully as they ate, going through a mental checklist and pleased to see her appetite still firmly intact. Maybe the little fever had all been in his head as she certainly didn’t possess any other signs of illness. She chattered on about her talk with Alex yesterday and though he was listening, he couldn’t keep the little smile from his face.
Monica’s hair was tousled in what he knew Alex would refer to as "sex hair", but he had never seen her look more beautiful. Every little gesture and nuance caused him to fall in love with her all over again and made him wonder how on earth he had ever survived the week with seeing so little of her. He loved the way when she blinked that her long, dark lashes laid against her skin and the slight flush that she got to her cheeks when she was feeling passionate about something. He especially loved seeing the sparkle in her eyes that for some reason his presence seemed to invoke. He would be glad when this case was over and for a while could get back to his life with her.
Unable to help himself, he leaned over and cupped her cheek in his hand and kissed her softly. The faint hint of blueberries and syrup sweetened what was already the sweetest thing he knew and though the kiss was tender, her hands on the side of his face ignited something between them once more and a half hour later, they lay, bodies entwined as they managed to catch their breath.
"Okay," Andrew chuckled softly as Monica’s head rested against his chest, "That was not my original intention."
"You’re not complaining, are you?" She teased, moving to rest her chin atop her hands to gaze up at him.
"Never in a million years, baby," His laughter was gone and he spoke with complete seriousness, "I’m sorry about this past week, angel. Not being here…"
"Andrew! You have a job to do. I know that."
"I know you do," He replied, his fingers combing through her hair, "But I have a job to do here as well and though I would hardly call it work, it is the most important thing in the world to me. I never want you doubting that while my mind is at the FBI, my heart is always here with you."
"I never doubt that, Andrew. And I know that the hard cases will eventually pass and then I’ll see you more. My patience with your work is a small price to pay in knowing that and in knowing that you are safe."
He sighed softly, trailing a finger along her cheek, "I don’t want you settling, baby."
Inching up, she kissed him lovingly, "I’ve never settled with anything having to do with you. What we’ve had the last six months since I became pregnant, since we’ve become human is so much sweeter than I could have ever imagined. I was so afraid at first and at times, I still am, but now I always know where you are and when you are coming home. Though the work is more dangerous, I know that God is watching over us and I love having you beside of me every night. Before we knew I was pregnant you were away from me for a month and it was almost unbearable. We don’t have that now and though I love being an angel…" She shook her head, almost feeling guilty for what she was feeling. They had been blessed with so much, "There are times I think that I love this more."
"I understand that completely, sweetheart," Andrew replied softly, "There is an amount of certainty to being human, though most humans probably don’t understand that. The last six months have felt nearly perfect to me and it all has to do with being able to share my life with you."
She smiled happily. "That’s how I feel too. Sometimes I have to pinch myself to remind myself that it’s real.
"Now, none of that," he joked, "you bruise too easily."
Giggling, she curled one leg over his, letting her belly rest tight against his side. A few moments later his hand was resting on top of it, fingers spread out as if willing his own feelings and energy into the baby.
"Sometimes I think you have all the luck," he said quietly. "You get to hold her every minute of the day. I think after she’s born I’m going to have to make up for my lack of bonding time."
"Well I’ll probably be happy to let you handle all of the nighttime feedings," Monica said with a little grin.
"Then I will be happy to take them!"
She laughed, her eyes twinkling. "Sure, you say that now. I remember the circles under Alex’s eyes!"
"I’ll wear them like a badge of honor," he declared.
She gave another laugh and then slowly disentangled herself from both him and the blankets.
"Hey, where do you think you’re going?" he asked, reaching after her.
"Well, I know you would be happy to spend all day in bed, but I think Paul and Alex are expecting us sometime before dinner!"
She disappeared into the bathroom and Andrew lay back, hands behind his head, staring up at the ceiling and thinking. Monica’s words had gotten him thinking, and he suddenly wondered if eighteen or twenty years with her like this would be enough. He wasn’t sure, but he was going to make every day of those years count.
*****
"Paul, what are you up to?" Alex called out. "Monica and Andrew could be here any minute!" After delivering her coffee in bed, he had insisted that she remain just as she was, and wait for him to come back.
Now she was sitting up, sheets tucked under her arms and covering her otherwise naked body, and taking frequent sips of her favorite drink. The baby monitor crackled to life as Matthew began to stir, gurgling happily. Alex figured that she had maybe thirty minutes before he started to fuss and demand attention. Then she heard another sound over the monitor and smiled.
"Why hello there, big guy," Paul’s voice was pitched slightly higher and Matthew laughed. "Yes, who’s Daddy’s little champ? Yeah! That’s you!" he said, and Alex could tell from the giggling that he was tickling Matthew in the ribs. "Now look what I’ve got for you," he said, and then Alex could hear the side of the crib being lowered as Paul reached in to pick him up. Tears pricked her eyes as she heard the rocking chair creak and then the contented cooing stopped but Paul’s steady stream of quiet chatter didn’t. She could see him, sitting there with the sun pouring in, feeding the baby and doting over him in that special way he had. At that moment, she decided that the smartest thing she had ever done was answer ‘yes’ when he asked her to marry him.
Fifteen minutes later Paul walked into the room, and Alex looked up at him adoringly, but with an almost teary look on her face.
"What? What’s wrong?" he asked quickly as he moved to her side.
She pointed to the baby monitor. "You know how I always get mushy when I hear you talking to him," she replied.
He let out a little chuckle and shook his head. "And I always forget to turn the darn thing off!"
"I’m glad you forget."
He leaned over and kissed her, softly at first and then with mounting intensity. Alex was the first to pull away as she placed a hand on his chest. "We can’t do this now… they could be here any time!"
Paul laughed and moved on to his wife’s neck. "I’m sorry, are we talking about the same couple? Hell, they’re probably in the same position we are, right this minute!"
Alex rolled her eyes. "All right, fine. You may have a point."
"Of course I do. I always have a point."
"Let’s not get cocky, now," she countered, then gasped as he pulled the sheet all the way down and quickly covered her breasts with his hands.
"Oh, I intend to get completely cocky," he said with a leer.
She wanted to laugh, but the look in his eye and the feel of his fingers tweaking her nipples turned it into a low moan. She almost voiced her frustration when one hand disappeared but then it was back, and holding the black eight-ball from the pool table in front of her face. Alex’s eyes widened and her lips curled into a smirk.
"I don’t know where you think you’re putting that thing, buddy, but…."
"I’m putting it right here," he replied with a little smirk of his own, and with that he balanced it in the little indentation formed by her belly button.
It was very slightly cool and the sensation sent a giggle up through Alex’s chest, causing her stomach to contract, and sending the ball rolling to one side.
"See, now that was a perfect demonstration," Paul said as he carefully put the ball back in its former location.
"Demonstration of what?"
"A demonstration of what not to do," he replied with a low growl as he kissed up her jawline to her ear.
She gasped, and her fingers moved to his hair. "Okay, then, I give. What AM I supposed to do?"
"You are supposed to lie perfectly still. As long as that little ball stays where it is, I will keep doing what I’m doing. In fact, I’ll do whatever you ask. Just as long as you can keep that ball from rolling off."
Alex sucked in a breath, immediately seeing the possibilities. Suddenly just the idea that she couldn’t move made moving practically a necessity. Her senses heightened and she could feel herself already growing wetter. Damn, he certainly knew how to get creative.
"Will you touch my breasts again?" she said after a long, luxurious kiss.
"Of course I will," his hands were on them a second later, gently kneading and stroking, plucking at the tips and then flicking his thumbs over them until she thought she would climax just from that.
"You mouth," she was able to moan, "Use your mouth."
He did exactly as she asked, and even upped it by stroking one hand down her side, and over her hip. When her legs immediately fell open he took the invitation and slipped one finger up and down her soft folds, loving the way she tightened her hold on his shoulders. She was doing everything she could not to move too much, but he could feel the ripples passing through her stomach, the quivering muscles almost aching in their attempt to remain still. The ball was balanced precariously and when he pushed two fingers into her core it seemed about to fall until through some super-human effort she managed to calm herself enough to keep it in place.
"Having fun yet?" he murmured around one nipple, then switched to the other.
"Paul… please… I’m so close…"
He immediately started moving his fingers in and out of her silken tunnel, using his thumb against her delicate nub the entire time. He could feel her right on the edge and he didn’t know how she was able to keep so still as her orgasm came closer and closer. Her hands had dropped away from his shoulders and were tight fists at her sides, her head thrown back as she struggled not to move. It was a struggle made harder by the fact that she knew that if she just moved a tiny bit she would fall off the edge and into a blissful oblivion.
She suddenly moved one hand and grabbed for him through his boxers. "Please… Paul… now… I need you right now!"
The look in her eyes and the fact that she had still managed to keep the black ball nestled on her stomach made Paul’s eyes widen in admiration as much as lust. He was burying himself in her hot core less than two seconds later, and he pressed himself down onto her, trapping the ball between them as he thrust into her. She responded with wild abandon, arching her back and letting out a scream as she clamped down on him, the pleasure rolling through her, and passing into him. He moved faster and faster to catch up to her, and with a shout, he let himself spill into her depths just as she was beginning to come down. The action set her off again, and her rhythm pulled every last sensation from his body as he kissed her deeply and ran his hands over her body, worshiping every dip and curve.
When he finally slipped from her body she let out a long, trembling breath that sent the eight ball rolling to the side and off the edge of the bed. A satisfied look passed over her face and she gazed up at him through hooded eyes. "So I guess, I won," she said smugly.
He pulled her into his arms with a bark of laughter. "Yeah, you’re a regular hustler!"
That earned him a slap on the arm, but it was followed quickly by a thorough and loving kiss.
*****
"So, you’re really going to do it?" Monica asked later that afternoon once the foursome had returned from some light Christmas shopping. The angel didn’t want to admit just how much the crowds and the mall had tired her out and though she had completely enjoyed seeing Matthew on Santa’s knee, cooing and giggling, she had been relieved to return to the townhouse.
"Yes, I am," Alex sighed, a slightly pensive expression on her face, "I’m going to tell my supervisor Monday and give two weeks so I can tie up any loose ends with the cases I’ve been working on and then, that’s it. My new title will simply be ‘Mom’."
"Alex, you know that there isn’t anything simple about that. It’s probably harder work then you have ever done for the FBI, though I believe the benefits are going to be so much better," She winked at her friend, relieved when she smiled.
"Yeah, I think so too. My mother was a little disappointed to find out she wouldn’t be keeping Matthew anymore so I had to promise her one afternoon a week with him, but I can live with that."
"And Paul is okay with the arrangement?"
"He seems perfectly happy with it," The worried expression was back for an instant before it was hidden once more, "I think he really got it this week, with being away from home so much. Though this past week was not the norm, usually it balances out a little better."
Monica nodded her head, glancing towards the kitchen door, where Andrew and Paul were having insisted on cooking dinner. Her husband had been completely attentive today and she had a feeling he was nursing a bit of guilt at his absence the past week, "I’ll be glad when this case is over." She remarked simply.
"I’m sure you will be, especially since finding out that newest bit of information," Alex shook her head, never noticing the look of confusion on her friend’s face, "At least with this last victim they were able to verify that the killer was raping them first. With the first woman, it had taken them too long to find her and most of the evidence was…well, gone."
Monica lowered her eyes briefly, feeling the little surge of pain that filled her heart. No matter how long it had been, that word alone inspired so many feelings in her and so many of them negative. It had seemed that Andrew wanted to protect her from the details of the case and now she knew exactly why.
"Oh. Damn. Monica, you didn’t know…" The woman mentally slapped herself on the head, wondering just how insensitive she could possibly be, "I’m sorry. I just assumed-."
"It’s fine, Alex," She replied softly, forcing a smile.
"The fact that I’m an idiot is not fine," Alex rolled her eyes in annoyance with herself.
"No, I’m glad you told me. I should have suspected something really as Andrew always discusses his cases with me and he has been very evasive with this one. Now maybe I can at least address that he doesn’t need to be afraid to talk to me about it."
"Monica," Alex began gently, "You’ve come a long way, but when it comes to this, Andrew is always going to hesitate to bring it up…to bring up anything remotely close for that matter."
"I understand that but I hate seeing him come home all tied up in knots over a case and then feeling unable to talk to me about it," She gave a little sigh and a imploring gaze at Alex, "I’m not going to break. That horrible time is in the past now where it belongs and that is where I intend to keep it. I’d rather focus on the things that came out of that time, like Andrew and our daughter."
Alex relaxed a bit with the angel’s words, though she was still hoping that Andrew wasn’t going to want to strangle her for offering his wife that bit of information, "Speaking of, when is your doctor’s appointment this week?"
"Monday," Monica stretched out a bit on the love seat and rested her head against the pillow, "Just routine, but you know that."
"Andrew going with you?"
"I told him it wasn’t necessary. I’d much rather have him home at a decent hour that night then to leave work to come to the doctor with me and then have to work later to make up for it." Glancing over, she saw the concerned look on the agent’s face, "What? You have that look that tells me you’re going to say something I’m not going to like…"
"No, no," Alex giggled and gave a wave of her hand to try to undermine her reaction, "I just think that if he wants to come along, then let him come along. That’s all. Men feel kind of useless during the pregnancy and they need to be feeling as if they are doing something." It wasn’t entirely the truth, but the fact was that Alex had been feeling worried about the angel’s baby the last month. There had been a sudden weight gain that appeared to be all baby as Monica hadn’t seemed to have gained a pound anyplace else on her body.
"You may be right," She giggled, shaking her head, "This morning, he offered to take all the nighttime feedings."
"Well, you’d better be taking him up on that!"
*****
As usual, Andrew and Monica stayed at the Gatlin’s house much longer than planned. By the time they finally climbed into bed, then ten o’clock news was already over, and the eleven was already in progress. They usually watched it together, but lately Monica had been falling asleep early, and Andrew hadn’t really wanted her to see it anyway, just in case the news picked up on his case.
However, almost as soon as Monica pulled the covers up she reached for the remote control, then turned on the television as she snuggled next to her husband. He reached around her to grab it, hoping to change the channel to something innocuous like an old rerun of "I Love Lucy." She pulled her hand away and tilted her head up to look at him. Her heart melted at the look of concern in his eyes. He was always looking out for her, even when she didn’t need it, and she loved that.
"Andrew, it’s okay. I already know all about it."
"All about what?" he asked, guessing, but not entirely certain.
She pulled in a breath and tenderly stroked his hand where it lay over her belly. "Alex accidentally let it slip that this new case of yours isn’t just about murder. You didn’t have to hide that from me. I know how it’s been affecting you."
Andrew tightened his grip around her shoulders. "I didn’t want you to know," he said with a grimace. "Why should it have to affect you too?"
"Because I’m your wife, and if you’re having a hard time with something, I want to be here for you. I want to be the ears that can listen to anything you have to tell me. I can’t hear your heart anymore… this is the only way I have of helping you."
Andrew could see how it might seem that way, but she was completely mistaken. "Angel, you are so, so wrong about that. Just lying here next to me is a help."
She rolled her eyes. "All right, fine, but I want to do more. If something is troubling you then you should be able to talk to me about it."
"And I do… usually…."
"As long as it doesn’t have anything to do with rape. I remember not long ago when you didn’t want to tell me about going to that girl who had been molested."
"And I was right about that," he argued. "You had nightmares and panic attacks for a week."
"But in the end I came through it stronger than ever," she insisted. "I won’t break. I swear. Let me be here for you the way you always are for me."
Her tone was so plaintive, and her eyes so beseeching that Andrew really had no choice. He lowered his head to capture her lips briefly and then leaned his head back against the pillow and sighed. It actually felt like a relief to know that he didn’t have to hide anything from her anymore.
"When we first found out… that they had been raped…" he shook his head. "It hit me like a wave of cold water. I guess I had almost expected it, but hearing the words still made me feel sick. I always feel that way, even if I just overhear someone else talking about what they’re working on." A wry smile swept across his face. "Ironic, isn’t it? Seems like you’re moving on, and I’m the one stuck in the past." He kissed the top of her head gently. "I’m sorry, Monica. This is the kind of stuff I don’t want you to hear."
She squeezed him tighter than he imagined she could and said, "And that’s exactly the stuff I want you to tell me."
"The thing that hit me the hardest…" he swallowed, not sure if he should even continue, despite her assurances that she was fine.
"What?" she prodded quietly.
He looked down at her delicate face and fanned out the hand on her belly. "I couldn’t help thinking about something you said way back then. You said that when it happened… you wished he had killed you." He was shocked to feel his eyes prickling and he had to blink rapidly and take another breath before saying, "I kept wondering if she had prayed for the same thing."
Monica closed her eyes and briefly let those old feelings wash over her. They still hurt, in places that were almost beyond reach, but now it was an ache, not the sharp, unbearable pain that had once felt unending.
"She may have," she whispered. "When it’s happening you wish for anything to make it stop."
Her throat felt tight and sore all of a sudden and she swallowed against it. She was stronger now, and talking about it was something she had already done with all of Washington listening. Surely she could do the same in the privacy of her own bedroom. Her eyes cleared and she covered Andrew’s hand with her own.
"But now I am so glad that God didn’t answer those prayers."
"That was the other thing I kept thinking," Andrew said. "I just kept repeating how grateful I was."
"It was a horrible time, but now I am so happy… happier than I have ever been. What happened won’t ever go away, but now it is a memory I can live with, not a memory I’m living."
"And that is one more thing for me to be grateful about." He rolled until he was on his side facing her, staring into her dark eyes. "You amaze me, Monica. Your strength, your kindness… the way you look at me with such love in your eyes."
She managed a crooked smile as emotion flooded her chest. "The feeling is entirely mutual," she said, and then she leaned forward to kiss him softly and lovingly.
He returned the kiss and then gently rolled her over so that he could spoon up behind her and wrap his arms around her. "Do you still want to watch the news?" he asked.
"No. I just want to fall asleep, just like this, feeling your warmth all around me."
"Then in that case, your wish is my command."
Chapter 4
Monica waited patiently in the examination room the following afternoon for Dr. Carter to come in so she could go over the usual list of questions and answers with her. Andrew had called as soon as she had left the radio station and she had assured him that there was no reason for him to meet her for the appointment given the fact that it was only routine. He had seemed hesitant but in the middle of their conversation, she had heard Paul telling him that they had just located Tara’s mother at her sister’s house and that they needed to get going. She had promised to call him after the appointment after he had been very clear that he would have his cell phone with him and she had smiled. He had only not had it once, and that one time had been enough for both of them.
The little angel looked up and smiled as Dr. Helen Carter entered the exam room. Alex had been right. She liked the cheerful doctor very much as she had a way of putting Monica instantly at ease.
"Monica," She was smiling already as she pulled up a stool and prepared to chat with her patient as she flipped through the chart, "How have you been feeling? The truth now. Any aches or pains that I need to know about?"
Monica smiled as she gave a little sigh, "Nothing out of the ordinary, I don’t think. Some achiness. I’m tired a lot more than I have been so far. Back pain, but all normal, right?" She was only slightly nervous, though there had been a time when she had been nothing but confident about her pregnancy. But that was before she had landed in the emergency room three months ago.
"Pretty much," The doctor replied, paging back to the information that the nurse had jotted down during the pre-exam and then frowning, "You’ve gained three pounds this month. That is quite a jump for you."
"She must be quite healthy then," Monica offered happily, pleased to know that her baby was growing and should be strong and healthy for delivery.
Dr. Carter didn’t comment at first as she continued to look over the notes, "Your blood pressure is good, but you have a temperature of ninety-nine this afternoon. Getting over a cold?"
"No," Monica shook her head, hesitating slightly, "The last week or so, I’ve been carrying a low grade fever, but it always goes away by the afternoon. I didn’t see it as any cause to worry."
"It’s better to be safe than sorry," She stood up and helped her patient to lie back, "Let’s get an ultrasound while you’re here. I know we didn’t plan on one today, but I’d just like to make sure we don’t see any problems."
"You think there might be one?" Suddenly she was desperately wishing that Andrew was here to hold her hand and reassure her.
"Now let’s not panic. Any significant weight gain in a patient and I just like to have a look."
Monica managed to relax with those words as she underwent the ultrasound, turning her head to get a glimpse at her little daughter. Seeing the image on the screen always calmed her heart and brought happy tears to her eyes. The baby was such a gift and she planned on taking very good care of her. She looked back to the doctor as she finished and drew in a sharp breath at the concerned look in her eyes.
"Dr. Carter, what-?"
"Monica, go ahead and get dressed and then we’ll talk for a bit," she gave her patient’s knee a gentle pat before she left the room and the angel found herself becoming increasingly worried. Was something the matter with their daughter? For her point of view, the baby had looked fine and after all, God was taking care of them, so surely there weren’t any problems. She had cut down on her stress, the one warning being all she had needed, so what else could it be that had caused the look of concern on the doctor’s face?
Somehow, she managed to get dressed, despite the fact that her fingers were shaking and as she waited for Dr. Carter to return, she contemplated calling Andrew, but talked herself out of it. No. There was no need to alarm him if it was nothing. It was probably just something she had to be careful of and she could confess to him over dinner that maybe she had been pushing herself too hard. He would scold and she would do better, and in the end it would all be just fine.
She had nearly convinced herself of that when Helen returned, carrying a card and some literature. Monica had moved to the chair beside of the little desk in the exam room and her fingers were already working nervously.
"Monica, I’ve set you up with a specialist for Wednesday," she began carefully, handing her the appointment card, "Judging from the ultrasound, it seems the baby has what is called Congenital Cystic Adenomatoid Malformation or CCAM for short. What that means is that there is a cyst on the baby’s lung and judging by the size..."
From that point on, Monica only picked up on bits and pieces of what was being explained to her; words like "mass" and "surgery" and "hydrops which could be fatal if left untreated" all became a blur as panic started to set in with her. Somehow though, she held on to whatever calm she could muster, nodding her head in all the appropriate places, and saying "Yes, I understand" when nothing was further from the truth. All she knew was that something was wrong with her daughter and she felt her hands press against her stomach protectively.
It wasn’t until she had walked out of the office and to her car twenty minutes later that she began to shake uncontrollably and she was barely able to line the key up with the door lock. Getting in and sitting down, Monica pressed her palms tightly against the steering wheel as her vision began to blur and the frightened sobs began to come. Her heart was pounding so loudly it felt as if it would beat right out of her chest.
Something was wrong with her baby. The words kept going through her mind again and again and she closed her eyes tightly, praying that when she opened them again, she would just be pulling up to the office for her appointment. That this had all been a dream…a horrible, terrible dream, that the baby was fine and they both had a clean bill of health. But when she opened her eyes, the terrible panic was still present and somehow her shaking hand found her cell phone and hit the speed dial.
Paul and Andrew were just coming down the walk after speaking with Loretta Kingsley about her daughter’s boyfriend and both agents were suddenly feeling rather optimistic. At least Tara had maintained a good relationship with her mother and had filled her in on her relationship with Scott Baker. The woman had even been able to supply an address.
"We’ve got this son of a bitch now, Andrew," Paul fumed, as they headed to the car, "An arrest and then life can settle down for awhile."
"Nothing I want more," Andrew replied as he got into the passenger’s side of the car and closed the door. He turned to remark to Paul about how Mrs. Kingsley had been so willing to help despite her grief when his cell phone rang and he hurriedly answered it, eager to hear the good report that his wife had about the baby.
Paul waited to start the car in order to make the conversation easier to hear, but after the initial "hello" he watched as deep concern flooded his partner’s features and judging by the side of the conversation he was hearing, Paul was growing concerned himself.
"Baby, baby, calm down…" Andrew was pleading with her as he clutched the phone tightly in his hand. Monica’s broken words were making little sense but he felt his throat nearly close when she mentioned a mass and surgery and a million questions jumped into his mind. He didn’t even know if she was referring to herself or the baby at this point, not that it mattered. Either thought was completely terrifying.
"Okay. Sweetheart, where are you?" Paul’s hands were balled into fists as he waited as patiently as he could while Andrew continued, "Angel, stay there. Don’t try to drive. I’ll be there in fifteen minutes, I promise…I promise."
"Andrew…" Paul looked over at his friend as he snapped the phone closed.
"I don’t know, Paul. Just get me to the doc’s office as fast as you can," His mind was still reeling as he tried to put the pieces together into some semblance of something that made sense, but it was damn near impossible. All he wanted to do was to get to his wife.
"What did she say?" He prodded carefully, even as threw the car into Drive and raced down the road to catch the highway which was the faster route.
"Something about a mass and surgery…I have no fucking idea, Paul, but she was so upset. I should have fucking gone with her but she insisted it was all routine!"
Paul grasped the wheel tightly as he accelerated, "Try to stay calm, buddy. Maybe she was given you worst case scenario-."
"No. She wouldn’t do that," He was already shaking his head, "Something is very, very wrong! As much as I can’t bear the thought of it being with the baby, the thought of it being with Monica…"
"Don’t even think that way!" Paul barked, glancing over but Andrew’s green eyes were focused on the road ahead as if willing them to the doctor’s office.
*****
The red caddy was easy to spot in the parking lot and Paul sped right over to it and jerked to a stop behind it. Andrew was out of the car a split second later and then practically ripping the door off of Monica’s car as he opened it. She was still crying almost hysterically and he crouched beside her and pulled her around to face him.
"Monica… angel, I’m here. Talk to me. Tell me again. What’s wrong? What did the doctor say?"
The little angel had tears streaming down her face and her chest was heaving as she struggled to take in air around her sobs. "The baby… she said… she said there’s something wrong with her… she’s dying, Andrew!"
He reeled back, unable to believe her words. "Monica… that can’t be right… she was fine just last month. Baby…"
She shoved the folder full of papers into Andrew’s hands. "No… that’s what the doctor said! She needs some kind of surgery… or she’ll just keep getting worse… She called it CCAM or CAMM…" another harder sob as she threw herself into Andrew’s arms. "I don’t even remember! Andrew, please… please just tell me this isn’t happening. Why would God want this to happen?"
"Shhh… sweetheart, no. You know that’s not how it works. Please… try to calm down. This can’t be good for you." He helped her to stand and then tucked the hair behind her ears and shut the car door.
"What? Where are we going?"
"Back in to talk to the doctor. I should have been with you this morning, and now we’re going to go in there and make her explain all of this again."
She was shaking her head doubtfully. "We can’t do that. She’s busy. She has other appointments."
"And she can fit us in between two of them." He wrapped an arm around her waist and led her back to Paul’s car.
The agent already had the window rolled down and was looking at them with apprehension and concern. "What is it? What’s wrong?"
"That’s what we’re going back inside to find out," Andrew said. "I promise we’ll call you as soon as we know something,"
Paul seemed reluctant to leave but he knew he had to. There was still work to do, and anyway, Monica hardly needed another man in there barking orders.
"Make sure that you do," was all he said, and then he rolled up the window and pulled away.
By the time they walked back into the office, Monica had managed to pull herself together somewhat, although she maintained an unbreakable grip on Andrew’s hand. The receptionist, Kathy, seated behind a low wall saw the door open and smiled as Monica walked through.
"Back so soon? Did you forget something in the exam room?" she was sure that was what it was, especially since for some reason pregnant women tended to be more forgetful than most. However as the couple drew close she could see the redness around Monica’s eyes, and the blotchy tone of her skin. "Monica, is everything all right?"
The little angel turned her eyes towards Andrew, her throat tight. She knew she would just burst into tears again if she had to speak.
"We were hoping that we could just get a few minutes of Dr. Carter’s time," Andrew spoke up. "I’m sorry I missed Monica’s appointment and I had a few questions."
Kathy looked from husband to wife and knew that whatever had gone on during Monica’s appointment had not been good. She quickly scanned the appointment book, looking for an opening. "I’m so sorry," she began, "She’s completely booked for the rest of the day." She looked up again and then found herself saying, "But just wait right here. Let me go find her."
The young woman walked back to the treatment area and left Monica and Andrew standing there, his arm wrapped protectively around her shoulders. She was leaning against him heavily and truthfully, with all that she’d said running through his head, Andrew was feeling weak himself. Less than five minutes later, Kathy returned with Dr. Carter right behind.
"Andrew, Monica," she greeted them with a voice full of sympathy. "Come on back and we can sit down and talk."
She motioned to the door to the left of reception and Andrew gently guided his wife through it. Dr. Carter met them there and took them back into the same exam room Monica had so recently left. Pulling in an extra chair from the hallway, the doctor had them both sit as she took her place on a small black stool.
"I’m sorry to be bothering you," Andrew said. "I should have come to the appointment, but we thought it would just be routine and… it’s just all sort of a shock."
Monica nodded, feeling badly that she hadn’t been able to fully comprehend what the doctor had told her. She felt stupid and incompetent. A good mother would have been stronger. She would have taken in every detail and written down notes.
Dr. Carter had seen Monica’s expression on a hundred other women and she quickly rested one hand on the angel’s knee. "That’s perfectly understandable," she said, bending her head to catch Monica’s downcast eye. "It’s a lot to take in at one time."
"Monica said the baby has a growth? CCAM? She needs surgery?"
"Yes. It appears that she has a growth or a cyst on her left lung. It may not have been there during the last ultrasound or it may have been too small to detect, but during the last month it has grown, along with the baby. Right now it is pressing against the esophagus and preventing the baby from swallowing properly. That’s why Monica has grown so much. The increase in amniotic fluid is making her look further along than she is. I’ve already arranged for Monica to see a specialist on Wednesday and I’m sure you’ll have more questions answered then."
"But surgery? Monica said surgery was involved, and hydrops?" Andrew said as he slipped his hand over to cover his wife’s.
Dr. Carter could see now that even Andrew was barely holding it together and she felt extremely sympathetic. Couples came to her filled with hope for the future of their babies. This kind of situation was one that she hated to have to explain.
"Surgery is an option. There are several options which have proven successful in the past, but they are not without risk. Hydrops develops when the growth compromises the baby’s heart function. It leads to heart failure, and unfortunately, without surgical intervention most babies do not survive."
Monica let out a muffled sob and quickly covered her mouth. How could this be happening? Her hand was convulsively clutching at her stomach. She could feel her daughter in there, kicking and moving. How could something be so wrong with her?
"But our daughter… she isn’t at that stage yet… is she?" Andrew was almost hesitant to ask.
"No, she isn’t, and it is possible that the specialist may say that she can continue to term with no intervention and have the surgery after birth."
"And Monica? What about her? Is this hurting her?" Although he knew his question would startle his wife, he had to ask it. The baby meant the world to him, but Monica… she WAS his world.
Dr. Carter could tell what Andrew was thinking, and the fact that he was so concerned made the whole situation that much more difficult. "Right now, no. Monica is fine."
"Right now? But?"
She frowned as she reluctantly met his gaze. "If the baby gets sicker there is something called the maternal mirror effect. Monica could start having similar symptoms. If it gets that far surgery won’t be a viable option and unless the pregnancy is terminated--"
"No! No one is taking this baby!" Monica suddenly exclaimed.
Andrew quickly scooted his chair closer and wrapped his arm around her. "Please, angel. Let the doctor finish," he pleaded.
She bit her lip and choked back her tears along with her words.
Dr. Carter took a deep breath before she continued. "Monica’s symptoms could expand, up to and including heart failure. I’m so sorry. I know that this isn’t what you were expecting to hear."
"It isn’t your fault," Andrew replied. "I’m sure this isn’t news you want to have to tell."
"No, no it isn’t. Right now I think the most important thing is for the two of you to remain positive and wait to speak to the specialist. There is an excellent chance that he will be able to tell you that merely aspirating the cyst will be enough to solve the problem until after birth. Please, try not to spend the next day worrying. It won’t do either of you or the baby any good."
"Yes, we know," Andrew said as he slowly stood up and offered his hand to Monica. "Thank you very much for taking the time to talk to us."
"It was no trouble at all. I’m only sorry to have to be telling you any of this in the first place," she said sincerely. As Monica walked by she reached out to squeeze her arm gently. "Just be strong, Monica. God is watching out for you… for all of you."
The doctor’s word’s surprised the angel who had never even mentioned God during any of her appointments. She nodded her head, blinking rapidly once more. "I know He is," she replied, and then she grabbed onto Andrew’s hand and followed him from the room.
Monica was quiet on the ride home though she maintained a constant grip on Andrew’s hand as she gazed out the passenger’s window through tear-filled eyes. She kept going over and over what the doctor had said, trying to primarily focus on her parting words, but even they were failing to provide her with the comfort she was seeking. Yes, God was watching out for them, but things like this happened all the time and He didn’t stop them. He hadn’t stopped her from being raped, so she had no firm reason to believe that He would stop this.
She barely noticed when they pulled into the driveway and she only came back into the present when Andrew released her hand to get out of the car. He walked over to her side quickly and opened the door, once again offering his hand to help her out and then immediately pulling her close with an arm around her shoulders. Wrapping her arms around his waist, she held to him tightly as they walked to the front door.
Andrew helped her out of her coat before shrugging out of his own as Monica headed upstairs without a word. His heart was racing and he was still trying to take everything in himself, all the while wondering how in the hell he was going to be able to wait till Wednesday to know exactly what they were up against. Maybe if he called and raised enough hell, they would see them tomorrow. It wasn’t exactly his style, but both he and Monica needed answers.
Hanging up both coats, he hurried up the stairs and glanced into the bedroom, expecting to see his wife curled up on the bed, but the room was empty and he suddenly felt his heart clench, knowing exactly where she was.
The nursery had been nearly finished for weeks and the pale yellow color Monica had chosen was perfect. They had agreed on Noah’s Ark for the theme and had found a border for around the top of the room as well as a crib set and mobile. Andrew’s favorite part of the room however, was the faint rainbow that Alex had done at their request on the wall behind the baby’s crib. She had done a beautiful job, setting it against a blue sky and fluffy, white clouds and he and Monica had both talked about how much promise the room symbolized. Right now, his wife was feeling as if that promise had been completely broken.
Her arms were wrapped around herself as she starred at the crib and the mural and Andrew could sense her tears by the slight shaking of her shoulders. As he laid his hands gently on them, he watched as her hand moved to cover her mouth in a vain attempt to muffle her sobs and a fraction of a second later, he had moved around her to pull her close.
"Shh…baby," He managed to whisper around the tightness in his own throat. He didn’t even know what to say to comfort her and it was a position he had never found himself in before.
"How?…How could I not have known something was wrong with her?" Monica choked out around her tears as she clung to him tightly.
"Sweetheart, you couldn’t have known," He stroked her hair lovingly before pulling away to a hair’s length to look into her eyes, "You thought everything you were feeling was perfectly normal and so did I."
"She can’t die, Andrew…she can’t…." Her voice broke on a sob, "I won’t let them take her!"
Andrew felt tears filling his own eyes as he laid his hands on either side of her face, swiping at the tears that fell. "Angel… you know how much I love her and you know how much I will do to make sure she is all right… everything within my power… anything the doctors can do, but baby…" Looking into her anguished, dark eyes, he felt a tear escape his own as he voiced his next thought. "If anything happened to you…"
Monica looked up into his eyes and saw the mirror into his soul. She could see the sorrow he was feeling for their daughter and the terrible uncertainty that they were both feeling. But beyond all of that was the incredible love and concern for her well being that snatched her breath away, "Andrew…" She uttered before she threw herself into his embrace once more.
"I mean it, angel," His voice shook with intensity as he held her as tightly as he dared, "If it comes down to it, I will not lose you. I can’t, Monica. You mean everything to me…everything. Please don’t put us in that position. I know how much you love her and so do I, but if it came right down to it…if a choice had to be made…I cannot jeopardize you. We’ll do all we can…I promise you that, but promise me you won’t fight me on this."
Monica closed her eyes for a moment, loving him so much it hurt, "I won’t." The words were no more than a breath but she could almost feel the relief flowing through him as he kissed the top of her head and for the next few moments they only held tightly to each other. She was the first to break the silence.
"I feel so helpless and I hate it."
"I know," Andrew replied, reluctant to release her. With her promise, he now felt slightly calmer and a little more able to think of a plan of action, "I’m going to call the specialist and see if there is any way of getting in with her tomorrow instead of Wednesday. It may be a long shot, but I’m willing to try," He didn’t know if his rank with the Bureau held any clout with a doctor’s office but he would pull every string he had, "We’re also going to search the internet for anything we can find on this. We’re not going into this blindly, Monica. Whether we walk in there tomorrow or Wednesday, we’ll be educated on what we are up against."
She gave a small nod against his chest, "Do you have to go back to work?"
"No." The answer came without a second thought. There were other men assigned to this case and Paul would have to allow them to pick up his slack. He didn’t plan on going back in until after he knew what the score was with his family. Paul would simply have to understand and though Andrew was sure that he would, at the moment, he didn’t care if he didn’t. He was not about to leave Monica alone with her thoughts.
"Thank you," She replied softly, moving just enough to be able to gaze up at him.
"Baby, you have no reason to thank me!" His tone took her by surprise and he laid a hand against her face, "Monica, you and our daughter are the most important things in the world to me and I don’t give a damn what case we are working on! You come first, angel, now and always. Don’t you ever doubt that."
Monica bit her lip to hold back more tears as her husband kissed her forehead tenderly, "I love you so much…and I’m so glad you’re here."
"We’ll get through this together, baby," He informed her, his thumb still moving slowly against her cheek, "Okay?"
She drew in a trembling breath and closed her eyes. She was still terrified, but he was here and they would lean on each come what may, "Okay."